I took a 6-month break from my book because I got super bored with it. I’ve been working on it again but have decided to cut a few things that seem weaker than the rest of the book. Still, I’d like to share some of the things that are being cut out just in case it helps -even one- person. The book I am writing is a fiction story that consists of a variety of people crying out to God, but while being so caught up with emotions and what -seems to be- truth from damaging experiences, they can’t hear God crying out in return with His actual truth.
I am just a mere human
And, I do understand that.
So, when you say I am forgiven,
I know that I’m brought back.
But, God, it’s been a while,
And there’s nothing but a wall.
I’ve been praying for forgiveness,
But this wall just doesn’t fall.
I am numb, and I am silent
My words become violent,
I am angry my God, and it’s not easy to hide it.
My prayers have shortened,
Then my words go unspoken,
I spread your word, God,
But our relationship is broken.
I feel empty without you,
Without purpose, without rest,
Without our relationship,
I don’t feel much blessed.
Father, God, I am here
All I desire is you.
I am not worth much,
But I beg to renew,
The Father and child blessing,
The connection of love,
What has now become a memory,
That I hold strongly of.
What am I doing wrong?
Why can’t we be?
I am asking you questions, God.
Please answer me.
Hold on to my truth, child,
I am here and I’m for you,
If anything, it’s your truth,
That needs to be renewed.
I’ve never left you, and I never will
I am a part of you, holding still,
All the while, you try to be strong
And keep on disregarding my will.
I am the strength of your weakness,
You have sunk to such deepness,
Believing this wall,
Could keep us from reaches.
I am holding you child,
This wall is just a vision,
Please wipe your eyes clean
And see the true condition.
I live in your heart,
And you live in mine,
We could never be apart
So, stop wasting our time.
Pour out your heart,
Let’s reconnect through prayer,
Don’t hold back on your words,
This could all be repaired.
You’ll find me in your pain,
You’ll see me in your stress,
I’ll hold you through each word,
And solve this mattered mess.
So, please rely on me,
Please don’t deny me,
We have this chance for connection,
Please don’t die on me,
But instead re-die with me,
And as you die in me,
You’ll revive to see,
I’ve always been here, and I always will be…
I talk and I write
I make moves and I fight
I want to be yours
But, it’s as if you don’t want me in sight.
I am silent and reserved
I sit still as I observe
My desire to be yours
Is a desire that goes unheard
I am broken and angry
So, I sit back and wonder if maybe,
I’ve fallen so deep that…
There’s nothing left in me.
Why am I a no-one?
Of no importance and no purpose.
Deep within is a brilliant passion
That I fear to bring to surface,
Because, who am I without You?
And without You is where I am
I’ve fought, and I’ve fought, God…
And here without You, is where I stand.
Realizing that God cries out back to us has been a long learning process, but it has greatly impacted my life. We always beg for God to hear our cries, yet, after we vent to God… we move on without taking the time to listen to Him in return and assume he either doesn’t care… or that he doesn’t exist. Most of us are so focused on ourselves, wanting God’s power for ourselves, wanting God to make moves for our own benefit, and then denying his existence because He doesn’t give in to our weak desires. Just as your child would tell you that you “don’t love them” because you won’t allow them to have extra dessert or get out of brushing their teeth. You discipline with love because you know what is best for them, instead of giving in to their weak desires, you enforce what is right. We tend to forget that God’s love is unconditional because we are so focused on what we desire. God speaks to us… we just have to listen… and accept it. And then other times, we invite God in, but when it is not what we want to hear, we dismiss it. He enforces the right path for us, but if we don’t like it… we make excuses to no longer invite Him in. And through those choices, He still stands by us and waits to be accepted back into our lives. I learned that free-will is definitely an option, but God’s-Will is always the better option.
You could never be without me,
For I am in everything.
Every hug and every smile,
Every hurt and every scream,
Even in the sighs, that your soul so lightly sings.
I am in the Heavens, I am in the light,
I am with you when it’s dark,
And when you’ve fought the toughest fight.
I am amongst the living, I am holding on to the dead
How could you believe that I am not with you?
Have you forgotten the blood that I’ve shed?
First Corinthians, Chapter Thirteen
States the Characteristics of My love
I am not anything near human
I am the God that the Bible speaks of.
So, please re-direct your thoughts,
I am Who the Bible says,
Take time to get to know me,
And stop focusing on you instead.
The world will create a god,
So, let go of its manipulation.
Focus on My truth
And accept the true redemption.
Again, these seemed to be the weaker writings (weaker writings, not less important of a message) of my book but still held truth to them. Even though I don’t relate much to them anymore, I know there are others who are at a different stage with God. The attacks from the enemy are real but you are not alone.
#Pray #Connect #Grow
#WeSpeak #HeListens #HeSpeaks #WeListen